Love is Love!

As I have mentioned in my previous blogs, people are quick to stereotype, one of the major stereotypes that’s so absurd in my view, is that people with disabilities can’t have what’s considered as a ‘Normal love life’and that we can’t have a family of our own! Of course this is completely incorrect. Disabled people are exactly the same as any other human being on earth! We have the same desires and dreams. From my personal experience being in love is one of the best feelings in the world, being in love with someone who is also your best friend is incredible! Which I proudly can say has happened to me!

Being in a disabled relationship is not much different to the average ‘able bodied’ relationship in terms of dating and all the ups and downs that dating entails , for example finding time for each other with very busy schedules, and of course the arguments! Right? One of the major challenging factors or difference if you want to do what I hate and compare! Is that when your in a ‘disabled relationship’ people don’t take you as seriously as people that are in ‘ordinary ‘ relationship, which in my personal opinion is just closed mindfulness as it does not matter if you are in a wheelchair or not love is love no matter what the circumstances or what is considered ‘normal’ within society. There is no such thing as Normal! Another issue that can be a problem when you are in a disabled relationship is that people tend to have an opinion more often on your relationship as you don’t have much privacy due to the extra support that is sometimes required, so for instance an argument is sometimes over heard and as a couple you may of forgiven each other but for other people their opinions have accidentally formed and that is sometimes hard to change, this can of course cause conflict in any relationship but can be made worse when you are disabled! Everything just needs more planning and discussions when deciding to progress the future of the relationship in terms of living together and family planning etc. I assure you it is all worth it! All that is required is the relevant support, care plans/ packages are up to date and that the correct provisions are put in place so that you can continue living the life you want to live! Nothing is impossible! If I had the chance with a very special someone once more, I would love nothing more then to break down the barriers that got in our way which can of course be done and have an incredible future together! Anyone in love or has been in love in the past will know there is absolutely nothing you wouldn’t do to be with the person you love! Unfortunately however I didn’t act on my own advice and things didn’t go the way we both intended!

The rules do not change just because you are disabled! There is no guide book to love, every relationship whether you are disabled or not is hard at times and no relationship is the same!

Just follow your heart, take that leap of faith because it’s better to have a go then be scared of something that might be the best thing you have ever done, like I said love is love whatever the circumstances or conditions!



Say no to the stereotyper!

One of my personal bug bears as a disabled person is being automatically put in a “stereotype box”. What I mean is, as soon as somebody meets me for the first time (at least 80% of people) they unknowingly fall into their own stereotype. The bending down talking to you real slow is a good one.  “Aaarrre- youuu- oookkkk” I hear, with my completely functioning face. My personal favourite is the high volumed vocals as they assume you’re deaf! I just laugh to myself thinking, who are you taking to? It’s a toss up between a toddler and my 90 year old neighbour! There literally is no inbetween. Hey, I gotta get my kicks from somewhere, right?

My point is, when a person hears the word “disabled” they think of all the negative connnotations, which might seem trivial to some but it’s important to show the word “disability” in the correct light! Questions wondered tend to be “can they drink alcohol?” “Can they have relationships?” “Will they be able to participate like everybody else?” These are just a few; I could go on all day but then I’d loose readers through boredom because there are so many!

To reassure parents and other readers, I’ll answer the questions. Yes disabled people can drink alcohol (if they are of legal age whether it be 18 or 21) so long as they have full mental capacity to know what they are doing and not on any prescribed medications that don’t permit alcohol. I always say, even though I am disabled I have the same organs and most likely will eventually die just the same as everybody else! Shocker, I know.

Yes disabled people can have relationships and children just like able bodied people. We just require additional support. By this I mean I would need someone to get up and do night feeds (when I’m a parent) every night, that’s all. I’m just kidding- Possibly. We just need support in place so we can live the exact life as an able bodied person.

Another stereotype is if you have a disability, your full brain activity is not that of an able bodied person *cough cough* bachelors degree *cough cough*.  People have a tendency to talk to my careers instead of me because they think I can’t hold a conversation. Disabled people,  me included have the same level of intelligence as the next person! We are underestimated. I say that people with disabilities are intelligent not just by academia but by common sense and are very driven to prove every stereotype and society wrong!

Whatever time a disability enters your world,  whether it be as a child or through an event or situation later in life, just ignore the stereotypes and say, SOD you! For everyone that says you can’t, you tell them “yes I can and yes I will”. Do it bigger,  better! If you are a parent of a disabled child, my best suggestion would be do what my parents did and bring them up as able bodied as possible, meaning obviously make adaptations wherever is required but in their behaviour and personality. Bring them up as you originally planned when you thought they were going to be able bodied so that they will grow up as I have.  Let’s prove these stereotype wrong and achieve everything we want and more!